Dear Uncle Clive....
I spotted this letter in a national newspaper a couple of weeks back, and I think it only highlights the lack of balance you would get from having an additional 'Agony Uncle'.

Deidre, as much as I'm sure she can dish out sage advice, can only do so from her limited female perspective. Here's my suggestion to the young lady, had she written to me for advice.

UNCLE CLIVE SAYS:
You did what? Here we have a young man on the doorstep of life, ready to go out into the world and sow his wild oats with his teenage friends, and he gives it all up for you? Undoubtedly he puts up with your demands to stay in every night or your tantrums once you've got two bottle of Bicardi Breezer inside you. No doubt you've gone absolutely apeshit with him when he's spilt a few drops of red wine on your IKEA cushion covers.

The only escape from the drudgery of his domestic arrangement with you is his Playstation, something he can call his own, a place he can grab a few minutes of excitement once in a while between the hours he spends loving his girlfriend.

That is, until she comes along with her clumsy arms and scant regard for other people's property and smashes his dreams into small - out of warranty - plastic pieces. Lets imagine for a second that was your Habitat dinner service set or glass animal collection laying there broken and useless on the living room floor.

As Deidre says, you must learn from this relationship. You need to learn to respect other people's stuff or they'll dump you.

Gaming curiosities No. 54 - The Nintendo Wavebird
What is it with Nintendo and screen visibility?

Not only do they make the GameBoy Advance's screen unusable under anything but optimum lighting conditions but they now seem to be asking gamers to voluntarily restrict their viewing potential (see photo left). Nothing like giving your 36" Wega the appearance of a blurry portable TV eh Nintendo?

I can't honestly say that a lead between my controller and the console has ever proved restrictive in my gaming pleasure. In fact I'd go as far as saying that it's enhanced my gaming hours by preventing obstacles (hoovering girlfriends, stoned friends, packs of wild dogs ect) from wondering in front of the screen during heavy bouts of life-wasting.

The fact that it doesn't have a 'rumble' facility only adds to my displeasure, as regular readers will know I've always championed rumbling as a vital element of the console experience, as it allows the game to reach beyond the confines of the 2D screen and put tactile feedback into the real world.

Official Nintendo monthly says of the Wavebird: "It uses two AA batteries and life is estimated at around 100 hours, although this may vary depending on the way you use it"

This may vary depending on the way you use it? What does the hell does that mean? Gamers will use it for playing videogames.... in what other ways CAN you use it?

If players are as absent-minded as me they'll now have TWO things to search for to enable them to play games... the TV remote AND this new controller. No doubt Wavebirds will turn up down the side of sofas, in kitchens or next to toilets up and down the country.

FairPlay - Campaign for Cheaper Videogames
More and more development studios are going under and the industry as a whole continues to lose millions of pounds (and thousands of jobs) every year as a result of gamers paying out for fewer titles and having to be incredible picky and 'safe' due to the high prices the industry continually perpetuates.

A pressure group has been formed called 'FairPlay' which believes that lowering game price of videogames into the 'impulse' purchase range will not only increase sales across the board (and therefore pump more much need money into the gaming industry) but will attract a new market (those not normally prepared to pay up to £45 for a videogame). Naysayers need only to look at the money they've spent on their CD or DVD collection compared to their videogame collection to understand the concept. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/new_media/1368921.stm

Despite the fact the campaigners wish to help the gaming industry and gamers alike, the industry's reaction has been despicable, using everything from legal threats to blackmailing magazines who want to run stories on the campaign. FairPlay is calling for a 'games boycott' for one week in December (1st - 8th), encouraging gamers to purchase before or after that week as a protest. At best videogames will come down in price and the industry will start to recover, at worst the campaign brings the questionable pricing policy of the games industry out into the public for debate. No bad thing either way.

Read more about the campaign HERE

Tu-rocks don't make a right 2
Acclaim's advert for Turok 2 seems to suggest that their flagship title is so incredibly real you will suffer genuine injuries as a result of playing it. Having tested it myself I will say that it has at least the ability to scar players for life.

What is a surprise is the lack of (arguably justified) tabloid outrage at some of these press adverts. One Sunday newspaper was even promoting the title using a 'page 3 stunna' and images of children playing the game with the "What a Fantastic game! - Jason, Wilkshire" captions all present and correct.

VIEW THE LATEST ADVERT HERE

Poorly-conceived Money Making Idea of the Week Award
....goes to 'Games Clearing House Inc' who suggest we should sell videogames to our "Friends and Neighbours".

VIEW ADVERT HERE

Ok, so the advert is 20 years old and the company went under, but its principles live on in the form of the school yard pirate. Who said the young aren't enterprising eh?