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10
things to do to pass the time until Mario Sunshine arrives:
| 1. |
Nervously
convince yourself that 'FreeLoader' will work and be out
soon, and that you'll be playing an import of Mario on
your dusty PAL machine any day now. |
| 2. |
In
the unlikely event of you having a girlfriend, mentally
prepare her for the weekend when she will hear nothing
but whooping, cheering and catchy jingles permeating through
the walls of the house all night long. |
| 3. |
Repeatedly
spout a mantra of "Evolution..... not revolution"
in the hope that it will soften any potential disappointment. |
| 4. |
Try
to recall where you put your GameCube.... "Now, was
it the loft, shed or charity shop?" |
| 5. |
Convince
yourself that you won't be subjected to any spoilers,
and do this whilst browsing the net for fresh information
and screenshots. |
| 6. |
Confirm
your membership of the geek elite by grabbing hold of
a GameCube controller and trying the imagine how the jet
pack buttons will work by having an 'imaginary' go on
the game. |
| 7. |
Go
out and spend some money free from guilt, because when
you finally get a copy of the game you will have justified
to yourself your GameCube purchase... |
| 8. |
Try
to predict the score your favourite magazine/website will
give it, and start preparing letters of complaint to send
in the event of them not marking it as highly as you would
have liked them to. |
| 9. |
Wanking!
Come on, you're a videogamer..... let your already excessive
masturbatory habits reach new levels of depravity by utilising
the following household items: A balloon whisk, a block
of lard and a bag of offal. |
| 10. |
Have
a look through the old editions of the UncleClive.co.uk
website, this time actually bothering to read some of
the text-rich pieces. You never know, you might actually
enjoy one or two of them (the irony being, of course,
is that if you've got to point 10 in this list then chances
are you already do read my site exhaustively. In which
case thank you very much. Here, have a drink on me). |
Even
your favourite Uncle's cold heart is beating rapidly in anticipation
of the plumbers return, those gameless nights will seem even
longer until I can bask in the glorious Sunshine. I haven't
played a really decent platformer since Mario's last outing.
Other developers take note: This time around BUILD on
what you see in Mario Sunshine, don't knock off a poor imitation
which lacks fluid control, innovation and platforms.
If I see platform-less levels populated with generic baddies
and hundreds of objects to tediously collect I'll be coming
down to Guilford (or diagonally to Twycross) to put a parsnip
up your collective asses.
My
beetroots are being prepared as you read this.
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