Scientists observed the 'Sony effect' in the most unlikely
environments when a Playstation was introduced into a room... |
The
unstoppable Sony juggernaut
Worldwide
sales of the Playstation2
(2001/2002): 18 million
Depressing
sales figures (if your second name is Gates or Yamauchi).
But the battle for the living room is far from over.
Actually,
it is. The Playstation brand has won.... didn't you know?
If
you have any other additional games console you either....
A: .....are a committed gamer who has a true appreciation
and understanding of the artform called 'videogaming' and
would rather challenge your mind and problem solving skills
than sit slack-jawed in front of Coronation Street....
B: ....have more money and time than sense and could
really do with sorting some priorities out in your life. Come
on now, videogames? They're soooooo 1996.
C:
....are a miserable goth who is quite happy to drink from
the balls of Microsoft between poetry writing sessions, frantic
masturbation and watching 'The Crow' for the hundredth time.
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Modern
Teenagers: Uncle Clive's 6 steps to being a cooler
teenager.
"Hey....Teacher,
Leave them kids alone", said a Judge in the
recent 'St Menton's School' sex case. But leaving
them alone is precisely what has created the rather
unfortunate 'culturally confused' teenager, whom we
see hanging around any place in the town which has
a couple of steps or a handrail. Perhaps playing Tony
Hawk's Skateboarding* has stopped kids from practising
Skateboarding for real? the flipside of that argument
is that the game itself has been responsible for the
re-emergence of the sport as a pastime.
But
anyway, I'm always happy to offer my services in a
patronising manner, so here are my 6 Steps to being
a cooler teenager.
*Only
mentioned to keep this article 'relevant'
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Some
Teenagers, Yesterday
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TEENAGERS
- STOP WANKING AND READ THIS
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We,
as Westerners have a wonderful liberty - Choice. Use it.
There are more possible hair colours than Red, Green and
bleach blond. |
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Save
your blushes, stop your futile attempts at 'ollieing'
and actually practice skateboarding away from prying
eyes. Falling off at virtually every attempt to manipulate
a board makes you look plain silly. |
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Standing
there holding a skateboard may help you fit in with your
'Gen-X' friends, but when we see you WALKING home clutching
it, alarm bells go off. |
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Ok,
so you failed to create a culture and identity of your
own, instead you choose to draw upon the skatepunk/hiphop
culture re-invention of the early 1990's. Fine, we enjoyed
it, so there is no reason for you not to. But please
understand, skating, punk or hip hop music was at the
centre of this movement, and the fashion was
just secondary to this. You however, seem to
have got this concept completely the wrong way around.
Your wanking tally may be impressive but your failure
to understand 'rebellion' is not. Sort it.
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Be original! Choose a different colour other than black
for your 'Limp Bizkit' hooded top |
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Music.
I fear for a generation who's only exposure to Hip Hop
is the piss poor whining of your average 'nu-metal' band,
and that 'pop with added guitar' you call punk is well
past its sell-by date. No Martin, Grandmaster Flash was
NOT a WWF Wresting star. |
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Uncle
Clive's First Birthday Celebrations!
Has
it really been 1 year? etc. etc. Yep,
it's been 365 days since UncleClive first opened his doors to
the public. Thanks for all your e-mails over the year and offers
of cheap sex with your ladyfriends. I've haven't done anything
to celebrate, as organising some form of celebratory piss up
with you all would have resulted in me sat on my own in a pub
crying into a pint of snakebite. |
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Videogame
Facts from 'Monkey in a Bucket' 2
Arrghhh,
my fucking bucket!!! Where have you put my fucking bucket you
bastards?????
Where
is it?, WHERE IS IT??????? I'm going to smash this fucking
place up unless you give me my bucket back....
More green bucket originated, chimp written facts next
week.
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Sticky
Balls - Free Game Download
You
heard it here first (or maybe not) but John Pickford of Zed
Two Limited has created an incredible little puzzler for all
the bored PC gamers across the land. It's still in BETA stage,
but it's running nicely.
A
strange Bust-a-Move/Pool hybrid which is as compulsive as
it is simple.
Best thing you'll have played on a PC for months? Quite probably.
I won't give anything else away, just try this captivating
game for yourself.
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click
for enlarged shot
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click
for enlarged shot
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Retro
Arcade cabinet in pub locate-o-matrix update:
After
reader Joe Whiteley's excellent suggestion that I start a
national retro-arcade database (see page bottom regarding
old arcade games) our in-tray soon filled up with sightings
of these retro wonders, but our work is far from done:
"SRAMBLE:
Hotel Alpenhof, Fam. Triendl, A-6580 St. Anton am Arlberg,
Austria:
My mate has especially fond memories of the aforementioned
machine and challet girls as late one night he received a
hand job from one in the tv room and came all over it. I never
played it after that." - Guy, Yorkshire
To
view the current list and occasional amusing annecdote click
HERE.
If you have the address of a pub which houses an old machine
please share it with the world, send the pub name and address
to us at retropubgames@uncleclive.co.uk.
Now
remember, this is currently just a list, but I'm sure once
a few more of you have uncovered some dusty gems I could provide
a 'map' graphic with some clever JAVA stuff and even a 'search'
bit, into which you typed your town/city. Perhaps.
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FEATURED
LINK OF THE WEEK: UKRESISTANCE
Back after a long absence, and when they aren't failing to keep
hold of their domain name, are creating biting industry satire.
More downward scrolling game-related shenanigans at: http://www.ukresistance.co.uk
Uncle
Clive Interviews Nintendo's Miyamoto-San
Uncle Clive was fortunate enough to be allowed to speak
to Mario creator Shigeru Miyamoto after his E3 conference. Find
out about his online plans, the 'Rare' situation and the mysterious
'Z' Trigger....
The
interview is in audio format so a soundcard is required. To
listen to the interview CLICK
HERE
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Hardware
coincidences, week 12
What
does Apple's G4 Cube and the Nintendo Gamecube have in common?
For a start both of them are owned by UncleClive (infact,
this very site is lovingly crafted on Apple's cubular wonder),
both of them use Risc Based PowerPC microprocessors as their
CPU (a version of the Apple G3 CPU beats at the heart of the
Gamecube), obviously both of them are cube-shaped, both seem
to have a small band of devoted followers, and, judging by
the shelves of my local PC World, both systems have fuck all
games to play on them.
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Videogame
facts from 'Monkey in a bucket'
Hello
to all my simian cousins, welcome to my newest column...
As videogaming approaches it's 100th year, I've decided compile
a series of astonishing facts about our favourite hobby, all
from the comfort of my green bucket! For
instance, did you know that.....
- The
word 'Videogaming' comes from the latin word 'Vidigamos'
which literally means 'idle time'
- If
you took every game coder in Guilford and laid them end-to-end
they would stretch to the moon and back two-and-a-half
times.
- The
playtester practice of gluing a parsnip to the left foot
during the final stages of development dates back to early
Roman times when the chess piece makers of the day did it
to protest at high vegetable prices imposed by Julius Caesar
during the Olympic games.
More
green bucket originated, chimp written facts next week.
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Oldschool
gaming devices they shouldn't have taken away from us, but
they did, and along with those wind-up Evil Knievel toys,
'Battle of the Planets' and original 'foam shrimp' sweets,
should be immediately brought back into our lives No.114:
The cocktail cabinet pub arcade game.
Younger
readers might not remember these machines which became standard
in pubs across the country..... their loss. Here is a casualty
of 70's gaming that I genuinely miss, the table you were
drinking at doubled as an arcade game (usually Space Invaders
or Missile Command) and at a 10p a throw you could piss
it up and game it all night long.
Forget
'post-pub gaming', this was 'at-pub gaming', or 'pub/game
hybridisation' or something.
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This
is what gaming is all about, week 1
Gaming seems to lack any sort of reasoned debate
these days, but look at the quality of posting our American
friends indulge in at this gaming forum. Such well considered
responses and effective debating skills can be found at:
http://cgi.gamefaqs.com/boards/genmessage.asp?board=3429&topic=3189827
"Be there Friday at 5pm so I can beat your face in with
an iron pipe wrapped in barbed wire, take a leak on what's left
of you and then feed you to my dog." |
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