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your Covernant - The Halo Election Special
Well, I guess
someone had to. (UK readers need only apply).
Uncle Clive - 'The
Summer Special' this way comes.....
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Out
of the mouths of Babes - Reader's Wives.
Your intentions
to get your other half to indulge in your hobby will
often yeild some interesting comments as she clumsily
grips the controller and begrundenly attempts to "understand
the attraction" of your geeky pastime.
email us the daftest game-related
statement YOUR lady has spouted....
stuff@uncleclive.co.uk
Best ones get featured next
update. |
Super
Mario Pac - Update
Homebrew game
of the year has had an overhaul, perfection has been
perfected with music, fullscreen mode and lots of
big PC type compatability type words. Go grab a slice.
http://www.hermitgames.com/mariopac.html
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Bloody Hell - Acclaim
are at it again.
And by bringing this to your
attention I'm only encouraging this kind of advertising
further. Of course it'll do little to change the public's
perception that videogames are a nasty, blood thirsty,
shallow pastime. Mind you, increasingly they aren't far
wrong. Pass me the Daily Mail etc. etc.
http://www.ananova.com/entertainment/story/sm_842477.html
Why can't they advertise games
as youthful, safe hobbies, like in this
early 90's Megadrive commercial? (4.3 meg)
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Call
the police, there's a mad man around.
"Police have confirmed they
are searching for the culprits - but are unable to shed
any light on the meaning of "The Famicom"."
Can you help the police out with
this pickle? http://www.thisisnorthscotland.co.uk/
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| Developer
Tips: Part 3 |
Gaming should be quick and accessible,
even in these bloated epic times, especially when
it comes to arcade style twitch gaming. However, current
menu systems leave a lot to be desired - actively
hindering the player from getting on which the task
at hand - playing the damn game.
By way of an example, office
favorite 'Burnout 2' has been glued into the console
for the past month and as glorious as this game is
the menu system would have Jacob Nielsen turning in
his grave.
Despite its arcade leanings
Burnout 2 contains a baffling array of menu fail safes
which take player round a merry dance should he dare
to want to start his game again.
Here is the process for restarting
should a player fail any championship race:
Press 'Start', "Are
you sure you want to quit?", press 'continue',
press 'continue', press 'continue', press 'continue',
press 'continue', move 'down', select 'main menu',
select 'start over', select 'start'.
And no, I kid you not. A obvious
flaw that could have been avoided had Criterion merely
added a 'quit to main menu' option. See? It's not
that difficult.
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Damn, I'll need restart. Yes I want to
quit. |
Yes, I do. I've already selected 'quit'
from the drop down menu and pressed the 'yes'
button. |
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YES!
for Jehova's sake, I couldn't have selected
'quit' and pressed 'Yes' twice by accident.
Please, I beg you, let me quit. |
I
am the angel of the lord, and I must do thy
Lords bidding and rid the earth of all womenkind.
Where are my guns? |
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Jumpers
for goal posts....
Nostalg-o-weep
link this week goes to http://www.powerstrike.net/Tehkan/mamejump.html
for creating a curious mix between 80's synth-rock and
a 'name the retro game' trainspotting exercise. The final
part where Mr Track 'n' Field leaps through 30+ retro
arcade games is like a journey through my ageing brain. |
| Developer
Tips: Part 2 |
We'll call him 'Geoff'. Geoff
works at every development studio in the word. Geoff
is a proud man. So proud in fact, that he makes his
pre-rendered cutscenes unskippable so you have to
watch them, over and over and over again.
Geoff's pride doesn't stop at
cutscenes though, oh no, he's developed some exceptionally
clever lighting techniques and by God he'll make sure
you notice them. He'll do this by making the levels
so unimaginably dark that the lighting code which
he'll fix to the torch you're carrying will become
that much more apparent. Unfortunately, so removed
from the normal environments that videogamers experience
games in, Geoff has failed to notice that his 'clever'
code had rendered the game virtually unplayable. Not
that this bothers him, outside of the occasional 'after-office
hours' LAN frag-fest on an ageing FPS, Geoff - like
most developers - doesn't actually play videogames.
Luckily for Geoff there are
people who do, and are more than happy to pass on
some useful advice...
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What
developer Geoff sees on the computer monitor
from the comfort of his coding booth in optimum
lighting. |
What
99% of videogamers see when they are sat in
front of their TV's trying to navigate yet another
impossibly dark dungeon. |
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Website
of the Month - The Adam and Joe Poo pages
'Adam and
Joe' are one of the few things in life which make my crinkled
mouth invert into a smile, so fans of the magical parsnip-headed
pop-culture commentators could do worse than point their
browsers at David Buxton's 'Poo pages' http://www.poopages.btinternet.co.uk/
and view the plethora of A&J related nonsense on offer.
This is what you should do when you wake
up in the morning. |
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Barbie
knew her relationship with Ken had long since
broken down. |
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Meanwhile, Mickey Mouse hides round the
corner, laughing maniacally at his own despicable
revenge. |
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Revenge
of the Amazon Playstation fans.
Thought
I'd take a break this ish from highlighting Amazon Nintendo
reviews and look at frenzied PS2 worshippers take on
their system's top titles. This month, Rockstar's GTA:
Vice City.
PS2
Amazon customer reviews:
"I'm only 11 but this game
is awesome..graphics are great,cars are great,guns and
other weapons..great!Everything is da best ever!Since
gta:2 GTA 3 and vice city has made the top lists..well
for me:DI reccomend everyone to get this game..even
people 10 and above as long as parents check it before
they play like my daddy did:) "
"Well you guys
this game is something else when i first played it i
was like cool!! I even bought my Playstation2 because
of this game>! It's a City,You are Tommy Verrcetti,in
a mess,in a city full of bribary and corruption(That's
what you are!!)"
"Best game ever made. You
like driving fast, killing and stealing this is the
game for you."
"Tommy Vercette back
again,he is wanted around his parts so hes on the run.
Hes doing erons for people and doing what ever he can.
To takeover, Vice city."
"This game done gave
my son nightmares about killin things. I bought it for
him just Thursday and every night so far he comes into
my room cryin about him shootin civilians in his dreams
and this boy is 14. If I was you don't go wastin your
money on this here nightmare makin game unless you won't
you or your relative go around cryin all the night long.
So don't waste your money."
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Games whose sequels really
should have been a lot better than the original by
now. No. 1774: Atari's Gauntlet
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Revenge
of the Amazon Nintendo fans.
Browsing
through the Amazon
customer reviews is another way gamers can seek
purchase justification, if you have any nagging doubts
about a game you're playing that you aren't enjoying
then simply point your browser away from 'www.japschoolgirls-and-robots.com'
and towards the Amazon review section, and feel the
sting of another wasted £40 being gently soothed.
This week gamers extol the virtues of Mario
Sunshine...
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Sunshine
reviews from Amazon
"I
plan on buying this game because it is so fun. People
who dont like this game are crazy. Theres nothing wrong
with it. I am a huge nintendo fan who likes mario and
mario games. This is probably the best mario adventure
ever. Gamecube is the best. Why cant xbox have cool
games like this. That goes to show how much xbox sucks.
Well buy this game its a must own."
"Well, this game is the best
Mario's game ever in the Market, and of course, I dont
have what to say plus than is the best , it have the
best graphics!!!! (WOW!) a little complicated in the
using of FLUDD, but this game is really fun. OH, the
game is good, everything is good but.........OK! you
will have the "120" shines but...........How
many times did you will play it the whole game??????
You will get them and you will put it in your basement
for all of your life??? This game surely rox for the
first time but getting played for a second ......mmmmm.....
NO! Resuming¨.: good, BEST, EVERYTHING!! but it
have a bad Value. I hope this was HEEEELPPPFUL for you!"
Having said that...
"i wish it could be more like
the other game, like mario 66 or somethin. i am not
UPSSESSED with gamebox or x cube like all of u are.
DONT GET THIS GAME> IT IS THE WORST EVER"
"I HaTe!!! the fact that
you have 2 switch the nozzles around on the talking,
squirty, thingy. 'N I think you should get the nozzle,
and keep it, having all 4 nozzles at the same time;
blah blah blah."
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SkoolDaze
2000 - Remakes for a new generation?
Last weeks
controversial cartoon moved off the front page for
memory purposes. CLICK
HERE or on the picture for the cautionary tale
of Specs, Thugs, and stroppy hoes..... |
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Spectrum
Joy Pad?
In case you missed
it last week. CLICK
HERE to see the greatest invention that never
was...... |
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>>>>>
NEXT PAGE >>>>> |
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